Sitting on the sidelines.

We just got home from vacation. We went to Myrtle Beach. Despite being a tourist trap it was BEAUTIFUL weather and not crowded (except hotel pools–but I don’t go in them anyway).

I’ve been fighting depression lately. To be honest I haven’t felt this overwhelming feeling so strong for so long. It was here, and suddenly it’s been days on days and I’m so sad and lonely in the most amazing moments of my life next to people I love the most in my life. If being depressed isn’t enough it’s stealing these moments of my life that I work so hard to be in.

During vacation I took many long walks by myself next to the sea in morning and night almost daily. My issue lie within myself. I do so much all the time and I am on the back burner of it all. This is the same story I write. And the same one I’ve written for ten years. The details change here or there may be different sometimes but the story line is the same.

After getting home from vacation I was home one day and drove to Chicago for a whole 5 hours in the city to drop my son off. He spends his summers with his dad. I usually never do anything but work as much as possible, garden some, and just sit on the couch. Watch all the netflix. Go shopping. And waste time until Eli comes back home. This summer I plan to utilize the time I am given.

Every day is a battle with myself about my self. My weight, and my debt.

Blogging is a form of documentation for me, but maybe now it can help me be more accountable for both.

Weight loss & debt…. two so very fixable problems! Lord I could sit here and pray to get rid of horrific disease but instead I lay in bed scrolling through instagram wishing I lost this weight I’ve been crying about for a decade like there is nothing I can do.

No more time should be wasted! I’m sick of being disgusted. Life is full of chances, life is full of opportunities, and there are many moments we can create! Maybe its the momentum talking… but I came home out of the fog of my own sadness for the first time in a few months. And even if it is momentarily it’s a good moment.

Weight loss & Debt loss, effective immediately.

Create a plan. Clear decisive goals. Completed with dates. Devise a short term- strategy.  Find mentors, or a community, accountability person, or any one who can support you with similar goals! Be realistic. Never give up.




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